sometimes we think that we think that we think that we know what we think but seriously guys, its not always true. sometimes we wanna think certain things but our heart says something else. fuck it, i dont even wanna be too philosophical tonight.
its been a good friday – given my state of mind for the past few days, id say im coping with my greatness. yes, i said it – im great and i know that. i love my friends, i love my family and i love people who have so much love around them. sometimes, people can have different interpretation on love – and so other many words, but i think uneversally speaking, love is good – in general. i hate of this thing called love but without love, i wont be able to hate it. we know love because we know hate. its just like we know darkness when we know brightness because darkness is true in the absence of light – get it. whatever, i dont wanna stir to that philosophical direction again.
so, tonight, i went out with paul and i feel good because i feel taller (esp when im asian and he’s white) and i feel bad because he can be so full of himself sometimes. but im in the state of whatever now hence i cant be bothered. after going out with paul, i went to josh’s house and met a bunch of nice people. he’s having a big big party tommorow and im gonna check it out – after being invited more then 9.3 times. anyways, i know im good and i can take care of myself too.
so, im supposed to go to nyc today and i had already got a ride coming into indiana and all but i dont feel good and i have to pass on that. im hoping to hear from those kids there if theyre coming here for homecoming and i hope they do – tho i wouldnt go to the bar, because otherwise, i wouldve get my ass there. whatever.
sometimes we pretend to be strong because we are weak. we are obliged to confront loneliness, to cope with sharp bends in the road, to suffer a few falls with no one near to help us. and we end up asking ourselves if its worth the effort. i guess, being a realist, i wouldnt have gone through the sharp bends and all that falls if i dont think its worth it but thats maybe just me. i can be tad bit anal retentive sometimes but whatever.
whatever happened im sure it happen for a good reason. god sorta have this big plan and i beleive in things that are bigger then myself. i beleive that whatever happen to the world right now is kinda an equilibrium of what men (ok lah, women too) wants and what god had planned. not that im saying god doesnt know it but i think god had this vague plans for us and we kinda fucked it up but whatever. if god really dont want us to fuck it up, he wouldnt give this stupid but sometimes nice things called feelings.
a good friend of me once said – if it didnt hurt as much, it wouldnt feel as good. not that that phrase apply to anything right now but i thought id throw it on the table.. ot teble. thatever whatever.